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  • Dangerous firecracker sits in livingroom with taxidermy finger hunting trophies mounted on wall.
  • Independence Day firecracker reading in livingroom says gesundheit to sneeze exploded mess on sofa.
  • Complaining cat on sofa asks why they can’t have nice things & realizes answer after knocking bowl off table.
  • Lady asks why man is sprinkling cremated pet’s remains on floor & owner answers tracking around house what kitty wanted.
  • Laptop in argument is called jerk, slowly buffers processing response for hours till it thinks of answer late night in bed.
  • Big eyes bathroom door’s funny blank face impression of vacant rest room is amusing impersonation.
  • Excited dog runs to pee on tree in park who expects a warm friendly greeting.
  • Pet’s distant, detached, dismissive mantra gone when excited kitty’s dad returns home.
  • Kid asks upset father what’s the matter & he says someone somewhere has air conditioner on with open windows.
  • Distressed kitty in therapy tells psychiatrist it thought to claw scratching post instead of couch, puke on linoleum instead of rug & shed less pet hair.
  • Neatly folded flat sheet at party wishes disheveled sheet lump date was more presentable.
  • Stinky planet farting in bed tells complaining wife she knew he was gas giant when they married.