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  • Johnny Appleseed's grandmother, Granny Smith, says her life was much harder than her grandson's.
  • The Pillsbury Dough Boy comes home late and his wife is waiting for him with a rolling pin.
  • A cat hacks up a hairball after dinner to make room for dessert.
  • Bees sting the inside of a man's mouth when he eats Bumblebee Tuna.
  • Birds are scandalized because the jaybirds are naked.
  • A centaur buys half-and-half.
  • The swallows return to cappuccino instead of Capistrano.
  • People on the Titanic get sex changes so they can be women and leave first.
  • A man thinks beef has been dyed for St. Patrick's Day, but it's just spoiled.
  • A company dangles carrot cake instead of a carrot in front of a woman to get her to perform better.
  • Igloo contractors pop ice cubes out of trays to build igloos.
  • A woman gets mad at her date, but it was the wine bottle that said something insulting.