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  • Godzilla needs to stop eating Mercury cars.
  • A cat hasn't slept in two hours, so he goes to therapy.
  • Frankenstein's monster has to go to the ER for stitches and is nervous, even though he's sewn together.
  • A jar of peanut butter's husband was smooth when she married him, but now he's chunky.
  • A clock doesn't care about the gender of her child, just that it has one long hand and one short hand.
  • A man with a Bad to the Bone tattoo discovers that he's only bad to his fatty tissue.
  • A wax museum's expenses go to updating Michael Jackson's figure.
  • An ancient Egyptian cracks a woman's back.
  • Pollen season arrives on a red-eye flight.
  • A man hurts his butt because he sits on a bike without a seat.
  • Godzilla eats a musical instrument store, but his body rejects the organ.
  • A new phone technology makes you sound like you're sick when you call in sick.