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  • A man's bike measures lots of factors, from speed to his odds of ever fathering a child.
  • Mark takes the day off and lets his family come up with cartoon ideas.
  • A man chokes on a golf ball and spits it into the hole and his friends don't know how to score it.
  • The Pentagon, the WWF, and Jerry Springer collaborate on a project to launch folding chairs from a cannon.
  • The author lists what he learned from the cartoon Peanuts.
  • A man drinks a pitcher of light beer and has to pee immediately.
  • A zamboni at a hockey stadium has a bucket for teeth attached.
  • A screw disappears into the floor after doing the twist to Chubby Checker.
  • A bird finds it easier to poop on SUVs because of their big roofs.
  • The Headless Horseman wins at basketball by passing Ichabod Crane his pumpkin head.
  • A cowboy feels the "Moseyer's High."
  • The characters from Peanuts get real jobs.