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  • A cat in heaven says he should have been suspicious about being put to sleep, because he never needed help sleeping.
  • A dog puts a painting of people playing poker up on the wall.
  • A beaver gets braces so his straight teeth will become an overbite.
  • A kitten's parents are proud because he had his first meows, first steps, and first human blood.
  • A dog without a bone is sad, but a dog with no bones is a sack of skin.
  • Godzilla eats too much fiber and has to retreat to the woods to poop.
  • A dad dropping his daughter off at daycare tells her to get the pooping and spitting-up out of her system while she's there.
  • Godzilla needs to stop eating Mercury cars.
  • A ram's big horns are out of style.
  • A cat hasn't slept in two hours, so he goes to therapy.
  • A dog leaves her husband and tells her she faked every time she wagged her tail.
  • Godzilla burps after taking a bite out of Lawrence Welk Studios.