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  • Columbus' GPS recalculates when he lands in the Americas.
  • Vampires' yearbook is full of empty pictures.
  • A professor sneezes, blowing his equations across the blackboard.
  • A mouse does poorly in a maze study because he's lactose intolerant and doesn't want cheese.
  • A school eliminates recess and puts spin machines on their desks to compensate.
  • Crash test dummies' GPS says they'll arrive in 2 seconds.
  • A man goes to euphoria management because he's too happy.
  • A new wind turbine designed like a mime acts like it's windy even when it isn't.
  • A man gets contact lenses that darken in the sunlight.
  • A zombie goes to the doctor and has no blood pressure.
  • A dietician says people trying to lose weight should avoid words that will tempt them, so she shows a pita chart instead of a pie chart.
  • No one graduates from the Cat Obedience School.