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  • A dog's owner stains glass, while the dog stains her carpet.
  • A job interviewer brings in a dominatrix to see how a man deals with authority.
  • A cat can't have fun at work because all the bird and bee sites are blocked.
  • A new army recruit will get his training on base, in the field, and at the post office.
  • Werewolves favor loose clothing so it won't tear into shreds on the full moon.
  • A woman gets a letter in the mail with a virus attached.
  • Emeril Lagasse is sued for trademark infringement.
  • Famous art pieces are liberals.
  • A man is frustrated with his computer so he smashes it with a golf driver.
  • A cat knocks over the vase, claws the curtain, catches the goldfish, coughs a hairball, and sheds, all at once.
  • A bird can't poop on a car, so he paints it with white paint instead.
  • A new headsman gets an axe in the mail.