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  • A man accidentally tells his wife she's wide while singing to her.
  • A cloud tells his girlfriend she looks like a horse.
  • Godzilla eats the Jolly Green Giant and marks him as a salad in his diet book.
  • A calendar on the leap day thinks it overdid it on the holidays because it gained 24 hours.
  • A woman resolves to be the right weight for height, so she buys six-inch heels.
  • Low ash cat food is made by employees who don't smoke.
  • A man needs a faster chip for his computer, so a woman offers him Olestra potato chips.
  • A website designer has trouble putting a picture of a band online because they're too fat for his bandwidth.
  • Birds carbo-load on worms before migrating.
  • The Big Bad Wolf gets liposuction and the three little pigs, Little Red Riding Hood, and a grandmother come out of his stomach.
  • A cat goes on a talk show to talk about living in a fish bowl.
  • The real reason the Universe is expanding is because it eats too much ice cream.