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  • Amoebas complain that TV these days is nothing but senseless viruses and gratuitous dividing.
  • A hockey team is mathematically eliminated when the math institute falls on them.
  • A professor is trying to figure out what should go in the blank of "Running around like a ____ with its head cut off."
  • A snake eats 4 of the dalmations in 101 Dalmations.
  • Famous cartoon characters are in an eye hospital because of their distorted faces.
  • Product failures chunky pulp milk, caffeinated baby formula, salty Dr Pepper soda, Lee Press-On nose hair, sugar sweet toothpaste, stinky tuna Chicken of the Sea fish perfume, spicy cajun Preparation-H, gross leftover parts chicken soup, vegetable flavor popsicles & feline sleeping pills for insomniac cats.
  • A snowman teacher yells at his student for drifting.
  • A cat has its friend use a blowtorch to remove the bell on its collar so it can catch birds again.
  • The Wicked Witch of the West has high insurance premiums because her chances of being crushed by a house or melted in water are so high.
  • Two birds fight over the inch worm, who gets stretched out and will have to be recalibrated.
  • Amoebas use cell phones.
  • Dennis the Menace uses physics to calculate how to throw a snowball into Mr. Wilson's pants.