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  • Pet owner’s perfect kitty pic pose ruined by bum licking cat.
  • Drink bottle in relationship therapy with milk carton tells therapist they’re hard to open up.
  • Flirting rabbit asks date to hop in shower & bouncing bunnies jump in bathtub.
  • Man gives thrilled lady Valentine’s Day dozen long-stem Rosé wines flower bouquet.
  • Smartphone in bed with phone after sex says you found my volume button.
  • Lightning bug tells insecure wife he’s still attracted to her glowing behind.
  • Widow at grave says dead man’s last words were think I’ll give cat a bath.
  • Canine doctor diagnoses toy bone chewing dog’s sleeping squeaks after extensive research.
  • Product testing researcher says stuck cat & dog sticky pet hair lint brush technically more effective.
  • Anteater can’t wait to open tons of little ants Christmas gifts wrapped in boxes.
  • Sexually unsatisfied ghosts in bed complain that they didn’t feel anything.
  • Mother mishears son’s friend has 2 mommies but they’re really mummy monsters.