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  • American & global football, US soccer, sports balls wait alone in bar for missing dates sitting beside them.
  • Tattoo artist tattooing full body tattooed guy’s legs asks if he’s always had high pain tolerance but he trained with pet kitty kneading lap affectionately.
  • Unexploded firework in couple was called dud when young but partner says they’re gone & we’re still here.
  • Excited dog runs to pee on tree in park who expects a warm friendly greeting.
  • Annoyed mom of toddler in stroller swearing at older lady says son has her eyes but father’s mouth.
  • Pet’s distant, detached, dismissive mantra gone when excited kitty’s dad returns home.
  • Neatly folded flat sheet at party wishes disheveled sheet lump date was more presentable.
  • Annoyed everything bagel at bar confronts ogling plain for uneverything-ing her body with his eyes.
  • Stinky planet farting in bed tells complaining wife she knew he was gas giant when they married.
  • Dog peeing on tree shocked when inappropriate Dr. Seuss Lorax says tree enjoys warm urine.
  • Comfy napping kitties in heaven sunbathe on angels’ warm halos.
  • Plague of cozy kitties purring on laps paralyses Pharaoh’s Egyptians.