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  • Santa’s smartphone fitness app says his Body Mass Index is bowl full of jelly.
  • Mom tells angry grandmother baby’s matching dress is perfect for chubby cheeks and chunky thighs.
  • Overweight nutcracker eating doughnuts tells other nutcracker they count as nuts.
  • Large potted house plant is discouraged it wont fit into smaller pots in closet again.
  • Toilet paper congratulates smaller TP roll for weight loss but it says it’s not sure it was worth it.
  • Funny fat guy’s mock turtleneck shirt says baby with arrow pointing to his stomach.
  • Dog tracks milage running to front door on smartphone fitness app.
  • Vampire at restaurant tells date he tried going vegan but you can’t squeeze blood from a turnip.
  • Crow flying over squished snake roadkill invites other crow on a long lunch.
  • Dog Spinning Instructor wears bunny suit to motivate class to pedal faster.
  • Big fat fish thinks he wont win father of the year after tiny baby fish disappear from fishtank aquarium.
  • Cat sees how many lives it used up on smartphone calorie counter fitness tracker app after cats’ tough hike.