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  • King Solomon wants to have 2.5 kids when he settles down.
  • Salmon have cybersex.
  • A geneticist is angry that a restaurant's twin lobster special contains lobsters who aren't related.
  • Cartoonist's spouses have nightmares where the cartoonists show them hundreds of unfunny cartoons.
  • Mice use salt and pepper shaker furniture.
  • A man thinks this is the first time he's seen a woman without her dog, but really it's the first time he's seen her with her legs shaved.
  • A pencil uses the bathroom, but his friend warns him that a Number 2 pencil was there before him.
  • A tired flower regrets marrying a morning glory.
  • Mr. Peanut's last words are "I'll be back in a Jif."
  • A woman on a date with an ugly man says she refuses to be an accomplice to passing on his genes.
  • A hermit crab has nightmares about losing his shell in public.
  • The Peanut Gang has an intervention with PigPen to clean up.