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  • A jar of peanut butter's husband was smooth when she married him, but now he's chunky.
  • A clock doesn't care about the gender of her child, just that it has one long hand and one short hand.
  • A man with a Bad to the Bone tattoo discovers that he's only bad to his fatty tissue.
  • A scientist investigates ways to survive the depleted ozone layer by working on her tan.
  • An ancient Egyptian cracks a woman's back.
  • Pollen season arrives on a red-eye flight.
  • A man hurts his butt because he sits on a bike without a seat.
  • Godzilla eats a musical instrument store, but his body rejects the organ.
  • A new phone technology makes you sound like you're sick when you call in sick.
  • The Loch Ness Monster eats Hagar the Horrible and becomes ill.
  • A woman goes into shock after seeing her boyfriend's dirty shower curtain.
  • The Surgeon General orders surgeons to present their arms.