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  • Martha Stewart leaves her body parts to her friends to make home d'cor out of.
  • A fish accidentally kills his friends by giving them too much food on Thanksgiving.
  • Overprotective lemming parents want their son to wait half an hour after eating before throwing himself off a cliff.
  • A cat feels like having 9 lives isn't special after seeing how many lives Kenny has on South Park.
  • The Pillsbury Dough Boy's wife murders him and feeds his remains to birds.
  • Kenny shows up in heaven and Saint Peter recognizes him because he's a regular.
  • Eggs pretend to die for a dyeing contest.
  • An asteroid hits Jerry Lee Lewis.
  • Goldfish take the "Prolonged Upside-Down Float" out of their Olympic competition after their owner flushes one of them.
  • A funeral director asks a chicken widow how crispy she wants her cremated husband to be.
  • A woman's morning breath is so bad that it kills her husband.
  • Failed Post cereals include "Post Mortem" and "Post Terior."