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  • Martha Stewart told the doctor who delivered her to save her umbilical cord to make into a meaningful wall hanging.
  • Product failures chunky pulp milk, caffeinated baby formula, salty Dr Pepper soda, Lee Press-On nose hair, sugar sweet toothpaste, stinky tuna Chicken of the Sea fish perfume, spicy cajun Preparation-H, gross leftover parts chicken soup, vegetable flavor popsicles & feline sleeping pills for insomniac cats.
  • A baby speaks in pig Latin because he's scared the room is bugged with a baby monitor.
  • A woman thinks a baby smiling is just gas, but a man who gets gas all the time doesn't believe her.
  • An alarm clock feels obsolete when a family's new baby wakes them up.
  • A cat threatens to wake up a woman's baby if she doesn't give him some fish.
  • A baby conehead is born with a round head.
  • A baby only sleeps, eats, and poops, so cats think it might be another cat.
  • A baby sues a doctor for slapping his butt when he was born.
  • A man wishes he could hear his new baby's thoughts, but the baby is hoping he doesn't inherit his dad's nose.
  • A new mom ink bottle can't tell if her kid is a girl or a boy, but she has an inkling.


You searched for: newborn