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Cat compared to smartphone wakes sleeping owner, wails music out window, entertains catching bug and is difficult to find.
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Misspelled famous monuments autocorrected to great whale of China, faster running Moai heads, pee leaking tower of Pisa and stoned hen Stonehenge.
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Man asks Spider-Man which newborn baby in hospital bassinets is his as infant climbs ceiling.
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Penguin asks penguin taking cellphone selfie photo if whole flock can use it.
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Leprechauns at Saint Patrick’s Day party all say green is their favorite color.
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Worried man shaped like fireplug hydrant tells date opening door he’s not looking forward to meeting her dog.
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Woman on date asks man his relationship goals and he says “know intimacy” but she hears “no” and leaves.
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Mom tells angry grandmother baby’s matching dress is perfect for chubby cheeks and chunky thighs.
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Ed stopped using speakerphone after being misheard by colleagues.
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Cat gets boring fortune read that his previous lives were exactly the same.
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Woman who does have caffeine at home mistakes salt for sugar when making coffee at work.
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Emojis get botox treatments to remove all personality from their faces.
