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  • Optometrist inserts contact lens case caps into his eyes instead of contact lenses.
  • Judge ruling on infringement lawsuit must determine the intellectual property of lyrics first.
  • New motion-sensitive political voting machines have instructions to lean left or right to cast votes.
  • Driver gets confused when passenger watches Rocky while driving.
  • Rudolph has two kids, Leif Blinker and Wright Blinker.
  • Santa goes to jail for not giving the government his naughty list.
  • A surgeon scares his patient by saying he has carpal tunnel and has to switch to his left hand.
  • Plumber wonders if he put the hot and cold knobs in the correct place.
  • A bear complains that nothing she does is ever good enough for her husband.
  • A construction worker puts a grate in sideways, causing a bicyclist to crash.
  • A boss chooses who his right-hand man should be by who has the biggest hand.
  • Three people in ocean, two skinny, one in middle is fat, and two sharks decide they will each get more by taking out the middleman.


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