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  • The real reason the Universe is expanding is because it eats too much ice cream.
  • A man whose wife just had twins has an IV of coffee to stay awake.
  • A spider eats bran cereal for faster web downloads.
  • Alvin the Chipmunk tells a talk show host that he started out as a gopher.
  • Donald Trump kicked over sandcastles to build his own as a kid.
  • A tired flower regrets marrying a morning glory.
  • Mr. Peanut's last words are "I'll be back in a Jif."
  • A fly watches hundreds of TV shows at once with its composite eyes.
  • A woman on a date with an ugly man says she refuses to be an accomplice to passing on his genes.
  • Bill Gates' hair is bad because he hasn't learned how to run the computer program Good Hair 1.0.
  • Mosquitos can't bite an umpire because he moves too quickly.
  • A pumpkin's resume is a fairy tale.


You searched for: keyword1