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There is nothing like the sound of child's voice for woman, can opener for cat, tree falling for beaver, and "Ow, my thumb!" for hammer.
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Legal department for The Beach Boys says the name has to be changed to The Beach Middle-Aged Men because "boys" is false advertising.
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Derek asks woman if she'd like to dance, she says yes, then says, "Wait, you didn't think I meant with you'".
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Auto salesman tells customer that sports car is latest model and has racing stripes, rear spoiler, fuel injection, and compartment for speeding tickets.
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Famous last words from Charles Darwin, Thomas Edison, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Albert Bugleweed, whose last words were "Honey, how's your diet going'".
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Husband faxes wife dirty diaper and asks for clean one in return because he doesn't know how to change the baby's diaper.
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Stick of gum talking on phone tells friend she hasn't seen Ray all night, and he's probably stuck under some bar stool.
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Egg in the bathroom drying his hands reads note on wall saying to call Ellen because she's over easy.
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Man walking into ladies' intimate apparel store hopes no one saw him, not realizing there's a big celebration waiting because he's the one millionth customer.
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Three people in ocean, two skinny, one in middle is fat, and two sharks decide they will each get more by taking out the middleman.
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One sauce pan tells another pot after hitting the teakettle that it will be the last time he whistles at her.
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Car salesman at bar is upset, tells friend the girl never loved him, she just wanted good deal on Mercedes, implying that he was used.
