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  • Mayfly’s birthday card says “Life begins at 40 minutes.”
  • Bare branch deciduous tree is scolded by pine for littering recyclable trash on Arbor Day. He’s only green part of the year.
  • Bird with chick poops on man going to work with kid on Take Your Child To Work Day.
  • Woman looks at snow globes filled with plagues of frogs, hail, lice, and locusts sent by God to Pharaoh’s Egypt on Jewish holiday of Passover.
  • Colored egg author reads book about Easter Bunny kidnapping to scared white egg audience.
  • Easter Bunny tells man at bar he hasn’t hidden eggs in years, he forgets where he left them.
  • Easter egg hiding in bush gets location request from hungry kid on smartphone.
  • Principal tells teacher two parents, a rabbit and an amoeba cell, are angry he’s teaching multiplication and division in his classroom.
  • Finicky cat tricks owner on April Fool’s Day by refusing to eat food after acting excited.
  • Snakes can’t pay beer rounds bill at bar because they don’t have pockets so frustrated Saint Patrick drives them out of Ireland.
  • Disguised snake in fake glasses, nose and mustache hides identity from angry Saint Patrick ranting at bar.
  • Onlookers at St Patrick’s Day beer truck accident on highway weep over puddle of spilled beer.